Being Stuck

“I will not give up!”

car-stuck-in-the-mud-fail-1436035918

Have you ever been stuck!  The frustration of it all!  The mud!  Well in life we can become life stuck!   I think that we get here out of a lot of different reasons.  Recently I had an employee transfer out of our department.  I was so upset that he would not want to work with our team!   I took sometime and evaluated what was happening.  He was not being able to bring his strengths to our team.

He had told me he hated our department and the type of work.  However that is only part of the truth!  He was shown disrespect in return hurt his feelings.  People put people in funks!  Causing them to become disenchanted.  Having expectations has a lot to do with this as well.  We dropped down in staff and it meant that this employee was expected to step up and work in an area that he found over whelming.  He then took on more work in hopes that this would help him.  It did not.  He kept seeking a different role.  He actually took a job where he is part-time.  He is now unstuck!  Will this be the last time he gets stuck?  I suppose not!  Life is full of growth and opportunity that is truly up to one and their goals.  I believe that being stuck can be just because we get scarred to try new things.  We are afraid of the risks of failure.

I am experiencing a mud holding stuck issue myself.  I  am dealing with my health and not seeing any change in how I feel.  I feel bad and pull myself along to work like I am treading through mud!  The goals I have set are to stay focused on this diet along with all the supplements I need to take and to get rest.  I have allowed this illness to defeat me!

Realism of how long it will take to feel better has a huge impact on how I see today!  When I wake up to my feet aching the tone is set.  Defeat is right there.  I have to change my thinking!   I never give in!  If I am not running a fever I am going to work!

I have Asthma, lived thru a heart attack, I will not give up!  The depression is the worst!  Being chronically in pain does a number on your life.  It has stolen my smile!  It steals my energy for activities.  It makes me mad! All this is me being stuck!  knowledge is power!  What ever I can do I want to take back my life!  I want to dance with my husband, play tennis with my daughter, take long walks and get back to a full life!

The Bible reminds me that I can do all things through Jesus Christ. When we are stuck we need to be on our aching knees seeking him to battle our issues.  I am the one who fails to call on him.  If you are dealing being stuck, I hope that reading this will give you power to look at your situation and know that you are not alone.  We can win our battles if we remember we are the body of Christ!

Mustard & Ketchup

My brother Scotty loves corn dogs!  When we go to town we always end up at Scotty’s Drive Inn and buy 2 corn dogs and always asked for Mustard & Ketchup.  When Scotty gets that bag it is on.  He has a plan!  He has the mustard packet ripped then he goes for the ketchup!  Let me just say here that this is not car food!    Scotty does not talk!  He just eats!

Just like Scotty I know what I like too!  As we all do!  When I was pregnant with both girls I craved french fries and chicken gravy from a specific restaurant.  I was reminded today of  the french fries in a conversation with my husband.  We at times in life accept things that become part of our habits.   I was raised in tough times and Dad could not afford to take us to the doctors.  So I am not good at taking care of myself.  In the past years I have become more lethargic and wiped out a lot.  I ignore it and keep pushing myself.

I have been home since Friday night sick with what I thought at first was a cold.  Each day I have gotten worse.  I went to see the doctor today and she read through some lab work that I had done 14 months earlier.  I was not fully aware of what those numbers meant.  I am now awaiting new lab results and a phone consultation tomorrow after the tests come back.  God has granted me more time here to know the true love of my husband, to be a mother, to be a daughter to parents who I really never did really know.

The people who I could have never imagined that would be part of my story! Blessings abound me!   I have no idea what is ahead of me.  I only know that God has been here through it all.

I am hoping I am headed toward recovery.  To see each of our children grow up and be the women I hope they will be.  I think my underlying health issues have a lot to do with my emotional state.  I want to get well and actually not be exhausted all the time.

It is easy for me to put others ahead of me.  This is good.  Even when I am being e-rational about taking care of me I have tried to be the best person I could be in service of others.

Awareness of what is given leaves me thankful what God has given me.  He knows my person!  He knows my behavior and he knows my hour.  I worry not about where I will go.  I know that even though I am not perfect.  Jesus is my savior.  He comforts me and he is with me.  76d5b5d28443951eeb055b7cbc162cd3

The QUIET BEGINING

“As I write this, it is apparent to me that I am different!  Different than I used to be. “

As I write this, it is apparent to me that I am different!  Different than I used to be. Why?  Well it happened almost without my realization.  All of the sudden when I would get in my car I did not want to listen to music.  How I took time to think of others feelings more so than my opinion.  All of the sudden I was wanting to read more and seek the scriptures to get a better understanding of what I needed for my life.

My staff laugh because they know I am walking into the building just as Franklin Graham comes on the radio right after Adrian Rogers.  Why would they know this? Because I listen to Pastor Adrian Rogers everyday as I drive to work.  I would love to listen to Franklin as well but I cannot.  I have shared with all my team that I feed my morning drive with Pastor Adrian so when I am walking into the building I am equipped with the message and I try to pray to the Lord to allow me be a blessing to him as I conduct myself and how I treat my team!

The high standard of what I want my people to see in me is important.  I need to be prepared to greet them with a solid mind and a Christ Centered behavior!  I love it when I am able to wake early and read something amazing here on WordPress that inspires my heart.  However being a morning person is not a NATURAL part of who I am.  I like my sleep!  When I do not wake early I miss on my time with the Lord.  Oh I miss this!

I love spending time with God.  As I grow in my walk this time is very important to me.  I am hungry for learning.  He truly restores me and help me meet the day.  I love to close the door on my office and read my New Testament at work as well.  If we want a time for God we have to block time out.  I feel God working in me.  I am growing because I am hungry for God.  I am so thankful for this.  Here is hoping that you can set time aside to be thankful to God and to spend time praising everyday!

BEING BRAVE

I was thinking of all the brave people who triumph over great obstacles.  David’s own people could not believe that he would defeat the Giant Goliath and help his people take back their land.  And yet he did!  His own brothers begged him to not go thru with this.

Yet David had prayed and was encouraged and sure of his decision.  No one believed in David!  Yet he was sure of his decision. He was brave against all obstacles. He was small, He was a Sheppard Boy,  He was small, He was not a warrior, He was laughed at,  He was told that he would die!  Yet Goliath mocked him from a far, He even proclaimed to be God!  He did not believe this little guy would knock him down and that the sword you demanded his servant to get would be the same sword David would use to take off his head with!  David was victorious because he knew that God was with him.  He knew that he would destroy the giant and that he would take back his land.

Being brave did not just happen.  It was his faith!  David knew that God would deliver him!  In my life I have had brave moments!  However never as brave as what God called David to do!  He was in line with what God called him to do!  d58f4ce1f2fbd3254bfa958ec9e2bb42

No matter our need for bravery God will be with us!  Find comfort in knowing that God has a plan for your life!

check out our Granola Box
www.granolabox.biz

d1588800b0d50d7b4fe0cbf0c083d98c

Snow covered corn fields are a regular site when it comes to living in the State of Nebraska.  Our worlds revolve around farming and railroads.  In my career I have driven past this old church several times.  It is as if it is left there as a testament to the past.

Setting back  with no sign of a road anymore.   Just the shell of what used to be.  Sunday Pot luck’s,  Bible studies,  moments of birth’s and wedding celebrations.  Along with the passing of loved ones. the past of community.

The memories of this place,  I am sure someone holds.  We forget that just like this building we deteriorate and one day we will leave behind remittance of our lives.

Everything we are is being built up or torn down!  As I grow toward God in my daily walk, it is evident that I have to think before I act.  I have to wait on Gods wisdom.  I have to be realistic about my own mortality.   My life will end and tears will flow from those who have been part of my story.  My story has been one of non belief to accepting Jesus as my savior.  He took my sin and has me whole!

When we are forgiven it is done!  the Bible reminds us not to focus on the past but to mindful of the day at hand.

“Lift up my eyes to the mountains.  Where does my help come from?”  “My help comes the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth. ”  Psalm 12:1-2

COFFEE WITH GOD

50ab8e51bc3dd046704079223a445309

Coffee with God,  I love when I start my day with quiet reflection with God.  I try to start my days not in a rush.  Well today is the day the Lord has made.  I will be thankful and give him praise.  Life changes when we stop to be thankful.  My coffee cup time with God on work days starts on my commute. I turn the radio off and I speak to God.  I know that this time is well spent.

2017 has been a tough year.  My Father in heaven has been so much in more my life because I have focused more on picking up my Bible, spending time listening to his word through what I choose to tune my radio too and also thru the use of my blog.

We are still dealing with life struggles. However when I realize that I do not need to be the answer alone.  Seek God in all circumstances. Listen and wait on him.  God waits on us to stop trying to do it our way,  everytime I do it my way I am being deceived.

Deception is what Satin will bring.  I know he sends broken hope.  At first glance it does not look like broken hope.  It will come as Gods grace.  Be careful to be prayerful and take time to seek God in all circumstances.  If it feels to good to be true it probably is!

I am thankful for my failings and for my God who is never-changing.  My hope is not in me.  My faith is in God.  My coffee cup is filled by him, All his love was sent to save a sinner like me.  Jesus is our savior!  Nothing that we go through belongs to us, if we allow God to work in our lives.  Thank you for this day!

I wish you good coffee and time with God today and everyday!  It is the best way to start my day!

413e8bd39dcae6261836253709df3475

Answered Prayers

When I was small I remember laying in bed and the biggest thing I would ask God was for good weather and I always prayed for my Dad to get well.

Dad was a thin mid size man who had the prettiest hazel eyes and dark brown hair. he was a high stress man. It took me a long time to see that this is something I get from my Dad. He had five children and then married and gained three step children. My dad and his new wife had one son together. Making nine to provide for. Dad was a welder and very good welder. He earned welder of the year three years in a row for the State of Wyoming. He was an amazing welder.

Dad was born in the great depression and came from a huge family. Grandmother had to work hard to take care of the family because at times Grandfather would be gone for months at a time. He was not a good man and when he would come home from what Dad shared it was not good. Grandmother and Grandfather brought out the worst in one another.

Life was tough and the world was a different place in Wyoming. My Grandfather was a racist. People of color he had no use for. Dad told me of several times where he had told his boys that he killed two men who were Mexicans for stealing his pelts out of his traps in Colorado. He spoke of throwing a black man into a stove for drinking a shot of Whisky because he had the edacity to drink from the same bar as him. He did terrible things to his children and to those around him.

On another occasion Grandfather was out poaching. The game warden had come out to talk to him and take Grandfather in. Dad remembers seeing his father digging a big hole in the sheep pen and he watched him roll a huge thing into the hole.
My father was afraid that if his Dad would have seen him that night, he would have been in that hole too. The next day my Grandfather moved cattle into that pen. The game warden was never seen again. My father never spoke of his father in good terms. He was a “THUG and poor example of what a father should be.

My father said that his father had been ran out Minnesota, Nebraska and Colorado before settling back in Wyoming. My father tried hard to be a good parent. My Dad had a lot of tough things to over come and in part to what we do not know that he probably endured as a boy.

Sometimes we do not know the heart of what makes a person the way they are. I think my Dad was plagued with things that he endured and it effected his way he approached his personal success and his life. My twin sister Cindy was probably the closest to my father at the end her and Brad my baby brother.

Dad had kidney failure that took him from us in 1985. As I get older I long for that smile in his eyes. When he was happy his whole face smiled. He was an artist, a welder, a farmer and most of all he was my Dad. He never liked the word father. He wanted us to call him Dad. I think it is because his father would not allow his children to refer to him as anything other than “Father”

When I was a 3rd grader I wrote an essay about my Dad. It was entered in the State of Wyoming essay contest and it won 3ed place. I was so proud of that moment in my relationship with my Dad. My sister has a letter he wrote “When you kids would go to school I missed you and could not wait for you all to come home”. He said he always wanted to be the best parent to us he could.

He was protective and hard to understand at times. He would get his feelings hurt and sometimes lash out and make decisions that he wanted to take back. However he was stubborn and had a difficult time saying he was sorry. In my life I too have been this way.

When I was 18 my dad was upset over his Social Security Pension. When my twin sister and I turned 18 our portion would come in our names. it was a some of 54.00 dollars but with nine to feed this was 108.00 dollars he was not going to receive. If my Dad would have explained he needed that money I would have gladly given it to him. He did not. At the time I was dating the man that I married Bryan.

Bryan and I had been to his parents home for dinner and when Bryan brought me home Dad was waiting. I knew something was wrong. He told me that I needed to leave. He was angry I had come home late. I tried to reason with him and he was just very irrational and told me I was just like my mother.

Mom and Dad divorced when I was 8 years old. This really hurt my feelings. Dad had nothing good to say about my Mom. Mom had never been really there even when they were married. Dad and Mom did not seem to ever be together and I really do not remember much of us a family. So knowing how much he hated her made me feel he hated me too. I remember driving away with Bryan sobbing. Dad told me I was not welcome in his house and never to return. I did not. I felt like someone had torn my heart out of my chest. I was truly devastated. Bryan assured me that Dad would calm down. I spoke to my Dad at school. He came to give me a piece of mail. It would be the last time I would speak to my Dad.

What I now realize was a defining moment in my life forever changed my future. this man who was my Dad was a integral part of who I am as a women. His mark on my life I see now. I have learned so many things about Dad thru my own life errors. The biggest error was not going back to see my Dad and asking him for forgiveness. Dad was proud and I did not know how proud until he passed.

My husband told me that he would see my Dad parked across the street from our home watching the house on holidays. Later my baby brother Brad told of times he sat in that pickup with Dad. If only either one of us would have made the move towards reconciliation. I lost valuable time with him. He lost valuable time with me. We do not get to fix things once death takes this chance away.

I loved my father and when he kicked me out he told me I was not to attend his funeral nor would anyone call me to let me know he died. This broke my heart. I prayed and prayed that God would let me know when Dad past.

I had prayed that prayer for 2 plus years. I think this is when I knew God existed in my life. the Bible says in in Philippians 4:6 NLT “Don’t worry about anything; Instead pray about everything. tell God what you need and thank him for all he has done. On March 26th 1985 my Dad became ill and my step father took him to the hospital. He had fallen into a coma. They told my step mother their was nothing more they could do for him. My dad did not want to die in a hospital. My step mother had her father load him into the back of his van so he could go home and die. Dad did not make it home.

My real Mother had come home for a visit. Mom had only been back here four times since Dad and her had divorced. My brother Scott was with us. We had ran into town to the grocery store that was about 8 miles from where we lived. On our way back I noticed Ham my step grandfather was pulled off the side of the road near this bar. I thought he might need help. So I flipped around to see if he needed help. Ham got out of his vehicle gesturing me not to get out of my car.

As he approached the vehicle I rolled the window to say hello. As he got to the window you could tell something was wrong! He said, “I don’t know how to tell you this, but your Dad is in the back of my van!” “He died right as we passed Henry.” I was speechless. My mother asked why he was setting there? I heard him respond. “We have to wait for the coroner to come out and pronounce him.” I remember trying to speak and all I that came was tears. I drove home and when I got home I went to my room and fell to my knees thanking God for answering my prayers and praying for my Dad. Once I composed myself I called my husband and sister in law. My mother in law and sister in law came to the house to be with us.

I went to the chapel and viewed my father with my Brother Scott and My Mother. Per my father’s wishes I did not attend the funeral. I wept at home at my own brokenness. This would be the beginning to a long road of regrets and forgiveness.

If I could go back and change this, YOU BET I WOULD! Those around us that make us who we are should be valued and we should never close those doors. I will forever be glad for the love I hold for my Dad. Love does not die. Words we do not say as simple as “I am sorry,” could have changed both our roads.

In my journey in loving my earthly Dad my Father in heaven heard my heart. The town Henry that they passed is where I live to this day! God intercepted my Dad on that highway and answered my prayer.