IN A LIFE FUNK

ca7bc7ef887ebb354762f24c1f73043fI would say 2017 left me in a funk….. Yeah just not really feeling great about anything.  Not being unhappy nor being over exuberant either.  I said good-bye to a few things that was unexpected.  I had to take a sabbatical with my sister to help me get thru some family things.  I spent a lot of 2017 reflecting on me.  Upset over decisions, career moves, children and really life challenges.

What is a funk?  Well for me it was not being able to really establish any outcome.  It was letting time just take care of itself.  Letting go and allowing God to work things out for me.  I found myself almost in a place of being numb to the hurts of life.  I found myself wanting to run away.  I never like that feeling.  I found myself trying to acclimate back into what I believed my life was.  Living on the road and being away for long periods of times have a lot to do with this.  I decided I did not want a career that kept me away from my family and thank God I now can work from one location and consult on the side as I work toward new goals in 2018.

The funk that I was in made me look at doing things I had not.  I have always wanted to write.  I set down in April and this blog was born.  I believe that we all have something to say.  Everyone can relate to another if we try.  I think life is little when we make it so!

It was a way to heal some hurts as well as look toward the future.  I went thru something very similar when I was 45.  I was working on several projects and running non stop.  I knew I was not feeling well.    I just did not realize to the extent of my illness.

I had been having headaches and really was exhausted.  Our family always takes vacation the end of June.  our eldest was back for a visit with her family and was staying with my husbands family.  Bryan and the girls were visiting.  I had stopped at the grocery store on the way home for some basics and then stopped in and stayed briefly because I was tired.  When I got home I went right to bed.  I remember setting straight up in bed with terrible pain in my chest.  I got up went to the bathroom and then returned to bed.

No idea that I had a mild heart attack!  I think it was great that I did not realize what had happened.  If I would have had that knowledge I might have not done as well.  In all reality it was a good thing.  I did not give in and God had me in his hands the entire time.

I did learn of the actual heart attack until the end of August when I got ill with my tonsils. I am really thankful that all this took place.  It gave me a new perspective to focus on what is important.   But once I got  involved and did things my way,  God became smaller!  Let me explain,  Our reality becomes about the health issue, the financial struggle the what ever’s in our lives and we then need to control the future.

As I look back God has been with me the entire time.  But instead of carrying me I was just allowing him from afar to watch me like a little child try to learn to walk!  I was in charge!  As I follower of Jesus!  We are to ask him and wait on what he will direct us too.

Well deception can and will look like it is from Jesus!   When that snake who tricked Eve to eat of the tree of life will come as great offers to good to be true.

My focus became about trying to build something for the girls and for Bryan.  Not my job!  God will provide for my children when it is my time to go.  Nothing that I use here is mine.  I live in a home he provides the wage to pay,  I drive his cars he has provided, Things on this earth are provided for me to use.  I am to honor God and take care of what he has provided.  It has taken me a long time to understand that the suffrage I have put myself thru was because of my own ignorance of not being in Gods word!

I can do all things thru Christ!  I am not so great on my own.   end of the year always seems to put me a place of uncomfortable facts that life does not always go the way we see our lives.  Putting in trust in God.  As I look at 2018 I will focus on setting goals that are around my family.  A career is what we do to earn to provide those we love.

SIPPING & PAINTING

An afternoon in the country at the local winery sipping and painting!  What a great time.  My daughters and one of our dear friends went with us.  We had done this last year and it was so much fun!  What a glorious day to relax and to spend quality time with one another.  It was just very special to spend this time together.  we created very unique pieces of art!  I tend to be extreme with color.

It is amazing how each of us were given the same instruction and yet the way our art turned out was very different!  All unique like each of the people who was in the class.

It reminds me of how God works on us and thru us for his good.  Just as the paintings turned out similar they were individual pieces of art who reflected the person who created it.  Our identity was only for us as individual.   PSALM 119-73 says “With your very own hands you formed me; now breath your wisdom over so I can understand.

Just as we created our art today,  I was well aware that we started with a blank canvas and really did not have a full understanding how it would turn out.  It took time to see the picture come together.  I think we all start out as a white canvas and our lives and personal growth begin to start coming together with color!

I am still working to understand what God has in store for my life.  I know one thing for sure!   In God I Trust!

In him all my faith is full.  In him I am one!  He fills in the colors of my life with his knowledge.  He fills me with hope and gives me direction when I am not sure.  He opens me to new opportunity because he gives me with assurance that he is with me.  I am his!  God’s word assures us that “his presence will be with us and he will give us rest.”   Exodus 33:14

It was so much fun to have the art come together.  To see each of us in our group celebrate the joy of their art.  originals one of kinds!  Just as God has made each of us.

Wishing you a day to appreciation