I would say 2017 left me in a funk….. Yeah just not really feeling great about anything. Not being unhappy nor being over exuberant either. I said good-bye to a few things that was unexpected. I had to take a sabbatical with my sister to help me get thru some family things. I spent a lot of 2017 reflecting on me. Upset over decisions, career moves, children and really life challenges.
What is a funk? Well for me it was not being able to really establish any outcome. It was letting time just take care of itself. Letting go and allowing God to work things out for me. I found myself almost in a place of being numb to the hurts of life. I found myself wanting to run away. I never like that feeling. I found myself trying to acclimate back into what I believed my life was. Living on the road and being away for long periods of times have a lot to do with this. I decided I did not want a career that kept me away from my family and thank God I now can work from one location and consult on the side as I work toward new goals in 2018.
The funk that I was in made me look at doing things I had not. I have always wanted to write. I set down in April and this blog was born. I believe that we all have something to say. Everyone can relate to another if we try. I think life is little when we make it so!
It was a way to heal some hurts as well as look toward the future. I went thru something very similar when I was 45. I was working on several projects and running non stop. I knew I was not feeling well. I just did not realize to the extent of my illness.
I had been having headaches and really was exhausted. Our family always takes vacation the end of June. our eldest was back for a visit with her family and was staying with my husbands family. Bryan and the girls were visiting. I had stopped at the grocery store on the way home for some basics and then stopped in and stayed briefly because I was tired. When I got home I went right to bed. I remember setting straight up in bed with terrible pain in my chest. I got up went to the bathroom and then returned to bed.
No idea that I had a mild heart attack! I think it was great that I did not realize what had happened. If I would have had that knowledge I might have not done as well. In all reality it was a good thing. I did not give in and God had me in his hands the entire time.
I did learn of the actual heart attack until the end of August when I got ill with my tonsils. I am really thankful that all this took place. It gave me a new perspective to focus on what is important. But once I got involved and did things my way, God became smaller! Let me explain, Our reality becomes about the health issue, the financial struggle the what ever’s in our lives and we then need to control the future.
As I look back God has been with me the entire time. But instead of carrying me I was just allowing him from afar to watch me like a little child try to learn to walk! I was in charge! As I follower of Jesus! We are to ask him and wait on what he will direct us too.
Well deception can and will look like it is from Jesus! When that snake who tricked Eve to eat of the tree of life will come as great offers to good to be true.
My focus became about trying to build something for the girls and for Bryan. Not my job! God will provide for my children when it is my time to go. Nothing that I use here is mine. I live in a home he provides the wage to pay, I drive his cars he has provided, Things on this earth are provided for me to use. I am to honor God and take care of what he has provided. It has taken me a long time to understand that the suffrage I have put myself thru was because of my own ignorance of not being in Gods word!
I can do all things thru Christ! I am not so great on my own. end of the year always seems to put me a place of uncomfortable facts that life does not always go the way we see our lives. Putting in trust in God. As I look at 2018 I will focus on setting goals that are around my family. A career is what we do to earn to provide those we love.