Nature Revealed

As we were driving last night I turned the radio on to here an evangelist speaking on the radio to a young woman named Sarah.  Sarah was explaining that she does not believe that their is a place called HELL. That God would not condemn his people to an actual place!  The Evangelist tried to get Sarah to see the evil of the world and some of the history of evil such as Adolf Hitler and she said was not moved.  She truly believes that she is a Christian and that she is a sinner.  But the idea that God would send someone to hell!  No way!

I am not worthy!  My nature reveals itself when I have had enough of this thing called life!  Satin is so busy creating false doctrine!  I am not worthy because in my nature I can be awful, I can be mean, I can have evil perpetrated against me and I can have thoughts that are not out of love for others.  All of what will cut me off from a relationship with God!  I struggle as a Christian.

As a Christian I fail those around me as well as myself if I get out of Gods grace!  God see’s me and he loves me from afar at times because he is not going to tolerate my behavior.  He gets me to a place of “make a decision Mindy!”  I fall into the snares that are thrown at me.  I have to recognize that my (old nature) is a natural place to fall back into if I cannot withstand the storms that are be thrown at me.  Satin is a liar and he will keep me in stress and loves to use others to provoke my old ugly nature.

I have been struggling with anger over the past five years.  It really started with the loss of my Mother.  I drove out to Washington State with my twin and all the way there my sister went on and on about how horrible of a person my mother had been.  She was a nervous wreck about even going.  Our  mother really never raised us and was out of our lives on our 8th birthday with Dad’s new girlfriend throwing our bakery baked cake into the snow!  Truly the worst birthday ever!  I remember that the pants and tops my mother had bought us was thrown away along with the cake.  I remember being heart broken and crying myself to sleep.  Cindy saw things different as Mother deserting us.

Yet it was our father who had a girlfriend who he married as soon as his divorce was finalized.  Both our parents had extra marital affairs.  however Sis saw at as my mother’s fault.

Mother had been diagnosed with a rare breast cancer that then moved into her brain.  she died August 23rd of 2013

I had taken a role with a company that had me living away from my family.  No idea that my daughters were going through a huge loss of not having me at home.  I was not able to attend my mothers funeral.  By the time we got to Washington I was ready to explode.

Unfortunately I did!  I took my anger out at the whole mess on my other sister who nature is to be passive aggressive.  She showed up to meet us.  I was loaded for bear after day and half of my twin going on about Mom.  This event has continued to spur other events of outrage!

Wikipedia describes anger well.

Anger or wrath is an intense negative emotion. It involves a strong uncomfortable and hostile response to a perceived provocation, hurt or threat. Anger can occur when a person feels their personal boundaries are being or are going to be violated. Some have a learned tendency to react to anger through retaliation as a way of coping. Raymond Novaco of University of California Irvine, who since 1975 has published a plethora of literature on the subject, stratified anger into three modalities: cognitive, somatic-affective, and behavioral. William DeFoore, an anger management writer, described anger as a pressure cooker: we can only apply pressure against our anger for a certain amount of time until it explodes

The Bible speaks of Anger

  1. Ephesians 4:26-31 26“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27and do not give the devil a foothold. 28Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need. 29Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.

I am here to tell you I am a sinner! I am provoked to anger!  I am praying for God’s help in this area!  My nature reveals something I do not like about me.  In knowledge comes healing!