As I begin this blog I am reminded of all the changes in life. I am in the midst of “Spring cleaning” A time where I want all my family members to just leave and go far away!
I work best when I have no one trying to tell me that we need to keep this or that! I always start in the master with wiping the walls and opening the windows. The room smells of the Lilacs with the breeze blowing in. It smells great! I always empty to closet first onto the bed. Best done without my husband present. This drives him crazy when I do this. Fortunately he took our middle daughter camping. First trip of the year.
About an hour or so in I am thinking I need some food. I am on a diet. I am very proud of the effort I am making. Finally am seeing the scale move. I contribute clean eating and my granola blends that I bake up in my kitchen.
I am in a new season of life that I am glad to be in. Last year at this time I was pondering what life would be without my husband. Bryan was diagnosed with CANCER. I think this is the most scariest word. My husband is very blonde with his grand father coming from Denmark. Bryan is 3rd generation Dane. He is blue eyed and very blond. Melanoma Carcinoma is a very scary cancer who likes to jump around and loves to munch on organs like eating granola. Bryan underwent five surgeries last summer.
Cancer has not been a fair player in our family starting six years ago with my father in law. then the next year it took my mother and step mother. In February of 2016 we lost my mother in law Ann. Bryan is a strong God focused man. He was not able to work due to his face actually had to be left open for almost a month as he healed. Bryan never complained of any pain and never did use any of the pain meds they sent home for him.
He was not allowed to do any outdoor activities due to fear of the sun. Bryan studied and learned a ton about what can keep cancer at bay. He is one to accept things but to take necessary actions for his health.
I did not handle his cancer well at all. I became afraid and thru myself into work. This was now as look back, a copying strategy. Instead having faith in God I decided I needed to make as much money possible to save just in case God took Bryan too. God will give and God will take. We blame God when we need to blame ourselves. It kept me from enjoying Bryan and being present for our girls who were just afraid of Bryan’s mortality.
I have learned a long time ago that I have to be the dumbest kid in God’s garden. I am so thankful that he loves me and forgives me for my lack of faith when I humble myself and ask him to take over.
Simple moments these day feel me with joy. A night of spring cleaning and nibbling on granola parfaits.